Ten years ago, I wouldn’t have imagined my lifestyle would revolve around the facts that I am single and I don’t have children. But it is what it is…and today, I’m not sure I have regrets.
I have my own place; plenty of friends; one big, fuzzy cat; and two beautiful nieces—niecey-poo and niece-a-lina—who I adore. My schedule is my own. And in many cases, eliminating drama from my life is as easy as getting off the phone, or making a graceful exit at the first signs of trouble.
Back when I was in my 20s and 30s, my older friends and mentors would shake their heads with feigned pity while I fretted over small things, which at the time seemed like the end of my world. That was usually my signal to change the subject. But their sentiment didn’t make sense at the time.
How could any thinking, feeling human minimize the outrage I felt when Mr. Coudaben A. Contender disrespected my home by removing his shoes and scrunching his bare toes under the cushions of my white couch? Or what do you mean there will be other opportunities? I needed that promotion because my other friends get to travel for work.
Those lessons came back to me the other day when my thirty-something friend, Lettie, implied that I am selfish. After months of listening to Lettie lament about a failing relationship—patiently, I might add— I let it slip that I had grown tired of listening to the same old story, over and over again.
(OK. I probably shouldn’t have said “I don’t care” out loud. But I don’t care…well, I care about her; not about the events that brought her to this place…at least not any more.)
That doesn’t make me—
Epiphany! Finally, I see the method behind what I thought was my older sister-friends’ madness. In their gentle way, they were trying to make me see that self-confident people rarely fret over human-induced drama they cannot control.
My delivery may have been a bit more on-the-nose, but my advice to Lettie is the same: Be as confident in yourself as I am confident in you. Sometimes, things are just what they are. So the time you waste worrying about who did what, and what could have been, is time that can be better spent focusing on your own happiness.